Chapter 1

I've written many blogs over the years. Some on an old site, and most recently on my mission trip blog site. My trip was 9 months and 5 different countries. Filled with lots of spreading the Lords Love to different people and cultures, adventure, and fun times! Though it was a lot of hard work and living completely out of my comfort zone, it helped change me completely and shape me into a new person. Walking away from that I am left broken.

By that I mean yes wrecked by Jesus, but also made a new creation. I now know my identity in The Lord more than I ever have before. I understand more fully how God sees me and His unconditional love for me. I know better what loving people how Jesus loved people looks like first hand; and no not just cute little African babies, but the hard relationships with the ones you live with everyday. The people who get on your nerves and do things completely different than you would. Constantly living in community this past year has made me realize what self-less loving and serving is intended to look and be like. So yes, it was an experience of a life time and was one of my favorite experiences, but I can confidently say I will go home a different person than when I started my trip 9 months ago.

So now what? Well this is chapter 1 of whats next for me. I'm coming right off the mission field from living as a full time 24 hours, 7 days a week missionary to my suburban, normal, American life. It will be a hard transition with lots of jet lag and coffee, but nothing can be harder than the transition from that life to a missionary life.

Here are some things I've learned and am dedicated to applying to my life at home;

1. The new reverence and awareness of God's goodness, faithfulness, and sovereignty I have.

Before my trip I very much had a lukewarm relationship with The Lord. I desired a more deeper relationship, but never did much to make that happen. I would float through life with a couple journal entries and prayers, but nothing too crazy. I was an avid worship music listener and church go-er but that is where it all stopped. Since my trip started I am more aware of the importance of a tangible relationship with Jesus. You have a desire, go to Jesus. You are struggling with something, go to Jesus. You are thankful, thank Jesus. You see a sunset, a beautiful tree, or the stars and are in awe, recognize God for His amazing craftsmanship. You need to make a big decision or are confused on what to do, consult the Lord and listen for what His Will is.

Living life in America can get so busy and coasting through life is so easy to do. Especially through Christianity, but more importantly your relationship with Jesus. Something that has always been hard for me are mornings because I. Love. Sleep. So. Much.

But something I'm challenging myself with is getting up early and dedicating that time to me and Jesus. This is a sacrifice, but it's one I'm willing to make because it is important to me.

2. Who I am as a daughter in Christ.

As a female I think it is always a struggle to find and hold tight to our identities. Why? Because the world and culture tells us we have to do this and can't do that. Look like this and not like that. Lose this weight here but gain it here. Change who you are to fit in and always try and be original, even though everyone is trying to do the same thing. Stand out and 'don't care' what people think, but actually check your instagram for likes and your twitter for favorites. Always be funny and witty but also be cool because you don't want people to think you care too much.

So. Many. Standards. & double ones at that.

Trust me, I fell into this all of middle and high school. It was always about being 'cool' and meeting some ridiculous standard that was completely impossible. Since the start of my trip though I have been stripped of any of that thinking.

Mostly because I live in the same 4 outfits, shower once a week, never wear makeup, and have little to no communication with people outside of my house. There is no time to care about any of that and if I do care about it, its for me and not someone else.

I also have been hit with the hard reality of how much I have and how much I am blessed with. I have lived in countries now that have practically nothing and met people who have been completely ripped from everything they have to live in a tin shack with 6 other people and 1 mattress.

It is heartbreaking but it is what the real world is filled with. So why would I care about covering up a small blemish and not having split ends when there people who have never even looked in a mirror or had hot running water.

I now know that none of those things matter because I have seen life without them, but also because Jesus says all I need is Him. I can be fully confident in who I am and what I do and what I look like because Jesus died for me. He died for all the shame, pain, ugly, hurt, and who I am as a person just being me and not someone else.

Lastly 3. His Heart for people.

I have learned so much about The Lords love for His Creation, specifically His children. Whether they recognize Him for who He is or not, He has such an immense love for them. And He has been teaching me a lot about His heart for people and transforming my heart to love others, see others, hear others, and understand others how He does. This can be hard because sometimes I just don't want to. Or I just don't like someone that much, but He loves them. And because Jesus Loves I can love. Yes, my love will be nothing compared to His and will always fail, but our efforts are always recognized and appreciated by Him.

A good friend once told me, if you have a chance to be kind or right, always pick kind. This hit me. Believe it or not pride is something I struggle with at times and if I'm misunderstood its important for me to make my point clear. If I have an opinion I always think I am the correct one, and maybe you should check your resources. But this is not the way to live. No one wants to be friends with a know-at-all. So be kind. Hold your tongue sometimes and treat people with a love. Be kind.

Coming home I desire a good community and I am going to strive to pour into people. I want to share what I've experienced, but also it's important that I hear about the past 9 months of their life. Loving isn't always easy, but when you lean into God's Love for someone you are able to take that as your own and see them through His eyes and how He would.

These are all just a few things that I am learned over the past 9 months, but I am excited to come home and apply these truths to my daily life and live our Gods Will for my life.

much love xo